Some Good, Some Improvement Needed

I've been working on my goals and I'm doing good on some and others need great improvement (trying to be gentle with myself).

Meditation isn't going well. I need to find a set time to do it when I am not tired and just end up falling asleep. I know the benefit of being able to get quiet and just be with yourself. I've always had positive outcomes when I've managed to do it. I will make more of an effort.

I've been working out really hard and my Pilate's instructor has really kicked up my exercises a notch, so I am feeling sore in places I haven't in a while and feeling physically tired. Both of which are good things. I've also made progress on working towards my teaching certification, training a few people this week. I also finally bought some index cards so I can create my own anatomy flash cards in hopes it will help keep the information in my brain. The anatomy coloring books alone aren't enough.

Working on negative thoughts is an ongoing process, but I do catch myself frequently throughout the week stopping myself from negative thought patterns and re-directing myself. I've also noticed that the negative thought patterns are always around family members. My family dynamics are complicated. I've always been the odd man out being the only person in my family that is introspective, analytical and always striving to better myself. My family thinks that I am "different." :-) I wouldn't change me for anything, but feeling odd man out can be a challenge.

On a completely different subject, I was recently published in Pilates Style magazine and my Pilates instructor added the article to her website today. I really like the write up she did about it because Pilates Style magazine really did a hatchet job on my article and made it sound like I accomplished other-worldly goals with simply participating in one class, when in fact, it was one class added to already established healthy habits. Here is the link for those that are interested.

http://exerciseindisguise.net/press.aspx

As far as the goal of trying to eat fewer simple carbohydrates is concerned, I've really sucked!! I've been stressed lately and been eating way too much sugar. I swear sugar addiction is a real thing. I eat it even though I physically feel crappy afterwards (and I know this) but the initial gratification is a strong pull. I'm not going to buy anymore sugary things for the house. It's to the point that I am getting tired of feeling icky, so I need to detox and am getting very motivated to do so.

Well, that's my progress thus far. I hope others are doing well. I've tried to become a follower of several people's blogs, but it wouldn't accept my gmail account. Not sure why. I am reading though!

Jillian

In Defense of Eat, Pray, Love & Self Discovery

OK, this might seem to be off topic, but stick with me, I think it will all make sense in the end.

With the recent release of the movie Eat, Pray, Love, there has been a ton of media coverage and media backlash about the book and Elizabeth Gilberts story. Some seem to be annoyed that she left her marriage without sufficient explanation, others are annoyed that she had the means to travel for a year and live in such exotic locals. There are any number of people that are expressing annoyance with her story and I can't help but think that it isn't Elizabeth Gilberts story that they are responding to, but their own stuff instead. Some of it is bitterness, some of it is envy, others are probably just sick of hearing about it (which I get).

The book Eat, Pray, Love really resonated with me because I too had to go on a journey of self discovery. Here is an excerpt from a letter I wrote to a friend explaining why I loved the book so much and why it still resonates with me today:

We all come from our personal experiences, right? I see leaving an unhappy situation as courageous. I am the product of a long line of women that stayed in unhappy/abusive relationships because they didn't feel like they could care for themselves and didn't have the opportunities available to women today to live alone and support themselves. There are countless reasons why I wish my Mom and my Mom's Mom (and many more) had the self esteem and opportunities available to leave their bad marriages. Their staying caused unspeakable damage to my family, for generations, and those decisions still reverberate and are felt today. My Mom still doesn't have a clue who she is or what she likes. As a young adult, I was on a similar path. I was living for other people (men) and didn't have a clue of who I was or what I believed, loved or wanted out of life. It wasn't until a pivotal moment in my life when my current boyfriend screamed at me out of frustration "What do you like?" that I realized I didn't have a clue.

So I set out on a personal journey to figure it out. Granted, I didn't travel to three different countries, but I don't see what I did as being any different than EPL. This is why the book resonates with me. I was depressed, clueless and scared to death of who I might become. I was terrified of getting to know me better because I wasn't sure I would like what I found. Despite this, I made a plan and stuck to it.

I moved into an apartment by myself and lived alone for the first time ever. I threw away my television because I didn't want to numb myself with mindless entertainment. I stopped doing drugs, I stopped smoking, I stopped dating men just because they wanted to date me. I stopped giving me up to please other people. I gave myself time to really figure out what moved me, what I loved, what I responded to positively. This went on for years and it wasn't without growing pains. I read a ton of self help books, read every book written by Maya Angelou, went into therapy, tried out different forms of meditation, took yoga classes, went vegetarian for a while, you name it. It wasn't without it's realizations either, I realized I was terribly lonely for most of my life and ate in order to feel better. There is a lot more, but I won't bore you with more here, you get the idea.

So, I honor Elizabeth Gilbert's own journey of self discovery. I honor everyones and I respect the courage it takes to go on a journey that is so open ended. I think it's brave to give up the trappings of life that most people would kill for because it doesn't work for you. I think it's brave to chose to live life on your terms and not succumb to societal pressures.

This is why Eat, Pray, Love feels so personal to me and why I love it so much. I had to step away from everyone in my life in order to find myself and had I not done so, I would be a very different person today. I've come a long way baby, as they say!! And I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now (Maya Angelou book quote).

So, that is the end of my letter. The reason it's appropriate here is because this one year journey project that everyone is taking together, along with Rosie, is really a continuation of the journey I mentioned above. We are all works in progress, right? My weight (in addition to everything else previously mentioned) has been a total work in progress as you can tell from my before & now picture at the top of my blog. I honor everyone that has decided to join in on this journey of self discovery and improvement and I can't wait to follow everyones progress.

Thanks for reading!!

The Beginning

Coming off the holiday weekend, my goal of lessening my simple carbohydrate intake didn't fair very well, but I am ok with that for now. I have been weighing myself for a baseline and to make sure my crazy body dysmorphia thoughts don't get the best of me. I swear, sometimes I can be convinced that I gained 20 pounds in a day, so using the scale keeps those thoughts in line.

I am still working out 8-9 hours a week, doing Pilates mat and equipment classes and taking Zumba. Since I am working towards becoming a Pilates instructor, my teacher has raised the bar on my exercises, so I am feeling a new kind of tired. That is the one thing about Pilates that I love. You are never finished and you never arrive. There is always more you can do to challenge your body and get stronger.

I have to get more consistent with posting my daily food on fitday. com, but I am doing pretty good.

Things to work on this week, is getting more anatomy studying done for my Pilates certification test and to attempt to meditate at least once. I tried over the weekend and fell asleep!

I am doing better with negative thoughts. When I catch myself in the midst of something negative, I say "stop" and redirect myself. I will continue this and try to stay aware of when it's happening. It's amazing how much negative programming resides within me.

I did have some fun this weekend. Went to the Cubs game with a group of friends. The weather was beautiful and we had a great time! Also, Notre Dame won their season opener. Life is good! (I am not a sports nut, just love the occasional live baseball game).

I look forward to reading about other people's journeys and reading Kelly's blog to see what Rosie is planning for herself.